Let Me Fall
by mrsmcdreamy90210
Summary: Plez Read The Summery Inside-----Addison/Derek but also includes Meredith. Rated M for mature. Reviews are ALWAYS welcome. If you wish to flame please send it to my email located on my profile. READ AND REVIEW!10 reviews b4 I update Plez!
1. Chapter 1

**Let Me Fall**

**Disclaimer**- I do NOT own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters associated with this wonderful television show. Please do no sue me!! I borrowed my warning from Kaits1789 I do not own this warning well I own half of it, but the other half belongs to them :D, although it fits my story well. To an extent, please don't sue me Kaits !! I love your stories!! :D

_**WARNING:**_ This fan fiction will deal with the act of sexual assault, abuse, and rape, it also has mild to moderate strong language, and also deals with the thought of miscarriages, and abortions. While no graphic scenes are to be portrayed, the story in and of itself will be one that could upset someone. Consider yourself warned and read at your own risk. Keep that in mind as you begin this work of fiction.

**A/N:** After countless miscarriages Addison and Derek struggle with the thought of another pregnancy. When complications arise, Derek, unable to handle another loss, leaves Addison to deal with the pain, and fear, on her own. How will she cope with the thought of another child when she was still racked with the guilt of loosing the others?

I sat on the floor of the female locker room, my heart pounding a million times a minute as I feel the all too familiar sense of nausea and the stomach churning sensation that I knew meant I was about to loose my breakfast, for the second time this morning. My body is weak and shaking as I cling to the porcelain toilet, and when the vomiting finally subsides for the second time that morning I sit on the floor, weak, exhausted as I try and stand up, and look for the first time, at the pregnancy test I had taken earlier that morning, before the constant vomiting had started, before I was reminded once again of the pain and misery that the last few years had become. Tears fall down my rosy red cheeks as I look at the pregnancy test before me. In my mind I can't help but believe that this is too unbelievable to be true. I couldn't be pregnant. No. There was no way this could be happening to me. Not again. I stand up a little straighter and walk over to the sink, after splashing cool water on my face, and drying it, I fix my hair, and walk out into the busy crowded hospital to find her husband, and face the day, with this new and painful secret.

"Derek! Derek!" I call as I run up behind my husband and wrap my arms around him in a gentle loving way my heart breaks as I feel his body tense up at my gentle touch and tears form in my eyes. I wasn't going to tell him about the pregnancy, not yet; it would only hurt him more. Things had been strained but we had been trying to make it work, had been trying so hard to get past the pain and the guilt and make this work, but still in the end, things were strained.

"What is it Addison?" I cringe at the way he says my name, with such hurt, and such heavy emotion. I long for the time when he uses to love me. When he use to smile at me, and give me kisses, when he use to call me 'Addie' in that carefree way of his that expressed all of his love and affection in just the simple name. He never calls me Addie anymore.

"We need to talk." I say in a gentle carefree way. I try to let the fact that I've been crying go unnoticed, try to hide the pain and hurt in my heart. Try to will the red puffiness in my eyes to vanish, along with the dark lines under my eyes. How many mornings had I spent in the female locker room vomiting before I actually mustered up the courage to take a pregnancy test? How many days had I been so exhausted by performing even the simplest tasks that I had to be told to take a break? How many nights had I cried myself to sleep alone, while he had been working the late shifts? How long will this cycle of blood and tears go on before he takes the time to notice me? What will I have to do to get him to notice me again? Does he already know? Is that why he's been so distant? Or is he just afraid to touch me? Is he just afraid of the pain that is caused every time he touches me and he gets me pregnant, only to loose the baby later on?

He looks at me, and for a moment I think he is going to blow me off, that's right just blow me off like he always does, ignore me, and he will ignore all the pain that comes along with me, ignore me and he can ignore the loss of his children, can pretend like it never happened and along with that shut out the one person who needs him the most, but then he surprises me, as he takes my hand in his own, with a gentleness I had forgotten and leads me into the on call room. He takes me in his arms, and sits me down on the bed. Looking into his eyes, I can see the pain reflected in the crystal blue, it hurts him just to look into my eyes. I can't stand to see that pain. As the memories of what caused such great pain comes flooding back to me. They were never forgotten, but as they come flooding back it is as if they are happening all over again. I can feel the pain; feel the hurt reflecting I can feel my body weakening in his embrace.

The first time had been the most shock, a perfectly healthy woman, who until then had the perfectly healthy pregnancy, the text book pregnancy, and then one day everything changes, one day everything changes and our baby's dead; we were so excited about the baby. So very excited. It was a little boy and we were going to name him Mark Christopher. When I found out, I just knew it was going to be a little boy. And one day after work, when I was almost six months along, I went home and painted the entire room baby blue. We had the furniture and the bottles; we had teddy bears and tiny little outfits. Derek was so excited. It was two weeks after my baby shower, when I was seven and a half months pregnant that I lost him.

It was my fault. It was my entire fault. I had fallen in the shower. I fell down, and after a few minutes I had gotten back up, I thought everything was fine. It wasn't until later, much later that night that the cramping had started. I lay in bed, and tried to ignore the pains, Derek was working late that night, and I lay in bed alone. It wasn't until the bleeding started that I grew frightened and went to the hospital, but by that point it was too late, my baby was already gone.

I close my eyes as he gently wipes the tears away from my cheeks. He holds me close in that gentle way that he use to, before the babies, before everything changed. I am afraid to look at him afraid to move, because if I move I may ruin the moment. I may ruin the chance to feel this way, the chance to feel loved by him.

He kisses me, and at first I draw back, frightened, and reluctant, he hasn't touched me in over three months. We don't even bother to fight anymore. Just stay silent in our own little worlds of pain. But when he says my name, gently I know I am going to have to find the courage to get through the day. I know I am going to have to find the courage to allow myself to be loved by him again. My heart yearns for his touch, and aches to feel his body close to mine. My body cries for attention.

"Addie." He says my name gently as the kisses start, as if seeking my permission, seeking my approval to be feeling the way he is feeling. To be doing the things he is doing to me. I nod my head, as I realize that I want him, that I need him, as much as he is wanting and needing me. The kisses increase from love to lust. From gentle freedoms to pure need for the other being.

The kissing becomes more involved, deeper more passionate, and although less gentle, not rough enough to hurt me. He's kissing me in just the right spots, and holding me in all the right ways.

My breath is hot and heavy on his, and the feeling of him kissing me, touching me, it seems like seconds before his hands are making their way down my body and untying my dark blue scrub bottoms. Within minutes the only thing keeping me from my desired goal was my black lacy Prada bra and panties. I gasp in a pleasurable way as his hands teasingly find their way to all my pleasure points and he takes me by the hips, pulling me down on the bed so he can remove my panties.

He probably didn't mean for the kiss to be anything more than that, but by the look in his eyes, I can tell he is genuinely surprised by how much he wants me. He wants for us to get something from the past. Perhaps get something from a time when he uses to be good to me. Even if it was just sex. It's something we can both hold on to. Something we can hold on and cherish until he goes back to hurting me again. His eyes search mine out, asking me for permission once again to go forward. We share a glance and I know that he is thinking back to the times when he didn't seek my permission. Times when I didn't want him to, but he did anyway. I can tell that this wasn't going to be one of those times.

I nod my head again, almost pleading for him to move forward, wanting him, needing him so much, that the very thought of patience was driving me insane. Damn pregnancy hormones.

"Yes." I say and I speak the word out loud, my breathing labored and rushed form the kissing as he kisses me harder and I wrap my arms around him, kissing him back with equal force, as he moves on top of me.

He starts giving me pepper kisses. Kissing and pressing, teasing. The kisses start on my cheek, and then move to my lips, pause there for a second or two before continuing their way down my body.

"Don't tease." I warn in a playful tone as I give him a gentle smile.

He smiles when I tell him not to tease me. I'm having fun with this, we both are. He remembers fun. It wasn't the sex he wanted back, it was the passion.

"You sure, cause I could do this forever." He says as he continues to tease me for just a little bit longer. "Ok have it your way." He lets his hands grab at me, touch me, feel me. It's been so long since we've done anything like this, anything with this kind of love.

"I love you so much." He whispers to me, as he leans in and whispers those gentle words in my ear. His voice is so gentle so quiet it is almost like a breath of air, but still I know he said it.

I almost laugh when he is so playful with me. It had been so long, such a very long time since we were able to just have fun, so long since we were together in a loving way, not the way that ended in tears. Because lately more often than not, was the bad times, not the good ones. My hands know what to do. I didn't even have to think as my hands run over his body, touching feeling groping; pressing down in the spots that I know will make him squirm with pleasure.

"I love you so very much…" My voice comes out as a whisper on my breath, softer than his, more involved and gentle as he gently cresses my thighs and I run my fingers through his wavy mcdreamy hair.

He kisses me when I say that I love him. This night is good, more than that, it's almost perfect. In this moment we don't have to be whom we've been for these last few years since the death of our children. In this night he can be the guy I fell in love with, and I….I can be the girl who use to make him do things. He moves against me and were one for now. Right now, were just one body with two souls. He loves me so much, and this is what he wants to have, if not only just for tonight.

We are kissing more and more passionately now, our breathing is hard and our breath hot. When he enters me our bodies move as one, pressing arching, and moving as a unit. I love him so much, He doesn't understand, nor do I think he will ever understand how much I love him. I moan softly as he hit's just the right spot in only a way that he can.

He knows how to make me feel good, it's one of the things he's always sort of just known how to do, that's why we both loved the on call room sex. As we move together his hands seem to have a mind of their own. It's ok though because he knows I love it. His hands know all of my spots.

It seems like the pleasures are going on forever as he pleases me over and over again, only after we are both fully sated and he had released himself inside of me, does he stop and rest. Still straddled on top of me, he leans down and gives me sweet kisses gentle kisses we are both breathless and exhausted, but fully pleased as he lays down on the bed beside me and wraps me lovingly in his arms. Something he hadn't done in months, almost a year. Since the last miscarriage. I look at him and smile as I cuddle closer into his embrace and realize that maybe things weren't going to be so bad after all. Maybe tomorrow I would tell him about the baby, maybe……….


	2. Chapter 2

Let Me Fall

**Let Me Fall**

**Disclaimer**- I do NOT own Grey's Anatomy or any of the characters associated with this wonderful television show. Please do no sue me!! I borrowed my warning from Kaits1789 I do not own this warning well I own half of it, but the other half belongs to them :D, although it fits my story well. To an extent, please don't sue me Kaits !! I love your stories!! :D

_**WARNING:**_ This fan fiction will deal with the act of sexual assault, abuse, and rape; it also has mild to moderate strong language, and also deals with the thought of miscarriages, and abortions. While no graphic scenes are to be portrayed, the story in and of itself will be one that could upset someone. Consider yourself warned and read at your own risk. Keep that in mind as you begin this work of fiction.

**A/N:** After countless miscarriages Addison and Derek struggle with the thought of another pregnancy. When complications arise, Derek, unable to handle another loss, leaves Addison to deal with the pain, and fear, on her own. How will she cope with the thought of another child when she was still racked with the guilt of loosing the others?

**Let Me Fall**

**Chapter Two- **_The Truth Reveled_

"_Our babies are dead_." The thought enters Derek's head for the millionth time that day , the day his second child had been miscarried) and he almost laughs, it's not funny, but he's so out of it right now with all of the grief and strain the last few years has caused him, that nothing makes any sense to him. He couldn't understand why with four pregnancies that he knew about, (and two that he didn't) not one of the children could survive. He doesn't understand why, he can save a life any day of the week, he can remove a clot, extract a tumor, but still when it came down to the basics of things, he didn't deserve to have the one thing he wanted more than anything else in this world, a child. He didn't understand why his babies kept being taken from him, from me, his wife, before they were even born. We save lives every day; don't we deserve to be happy too?

Derek knew that I must think that he blames me, that I must think it is all my fault, that I am inadequate, that I can't even do the one thing millions of women do every day, carry a baby to term, that I am the reason my babies are dead, but he knows that he is the reason. He knew that the world wouldn't suffer through another Shepherd born from his blood. He is cruel to me. Where does he get that from? Exactly. So maybe it was easy to figure it all out, because in the end, he is his father's son.

"Addie?" He calls out his voice is strange. He is sad and angry and depressed and so many other things that right now in this moment his head wants to explode.

"Addie are you here?" He calls out again when he doesn't get an answer the first time. He didn't know if I was still asleep, or even where I was as he walked from the hallway into the bedroom we both share. He wasn't sure if I was awake, but he wanted to be around me, even if things were still strained from an argument we had had the night before.

Derek walks into the bathroom that is connected to our bedroom thinking that maybe I was in the bath. When he walks in he is greeted by the site of me sitting, on the floor in front of the toilet. My arms are crossed across part of the seat and my head is resting on my hands. Today is my off day and I am still dressed in my pajamas. I look tiny and frail clinging to the commode for support and it is obvious that I had been throwing up for the greater part of the morning. Today is his off day too. And for once he had the opportunity to sleep in. Although I didn't have a watch, I knew it had to be after nine, almost ten. When he calls out to me I answer that I'm in the bathroom. Maybe that was how he had found me, but my voice was so tired that I wasn't sure if he could have possibly heard me or not. He doesn't sound angry when he called out for me, maybe just curious to know where I was. Who cared? Things hadn't been great for us. It had been four years since the first miscarriage, and six months since the last, that he never knew of.

And during this time he had changed. He had become cold and uncaring. He hit me for the first time. And then again, and then so often that I lost track of the bruises and the scars. He blames me for our children's deaths. I could do nothing right. Now I sit in the bathroom of our Seattle home wondering what I had done to deserve this. The positive pregnancy test was sitting on the back of the toilet, what was once such a joyful thing was now only a source of fear and pain, and even though I had taken a test at work, a couple days before, I needed to try again. I needed to be certain before I went and got blood work done at the hospital.

I had known for a while now. I think with each pregnancy your body tells you a little sooner. At least for me. I hadn't been to the doctor yet, but being an attending with the specialty of Neo-Natal surgery and GYNE practices, you grow to know these things as well. I knew I was about four or five months along. Even though I was still tiny. That's the thing, I couldn't gain weight. I knew I couldn't. And even though I'm not proud of it, I had been starving myself. He wanted me to be perfect. To be tiny and thin, to be tiny and thin is to be beautiful, and to be beautiful is to be loved. I had only gained a tiny amount of weight during the pregnancy. Any food or drink I did consume goes straight to the baby and accept for a tiny baby bump there was hardly any evidence at all. I know this practice is unhealthy but I can't stop.

"Hey." I whisper to him. I don't know if it is a good day or a bad day, he has both. And over the years since the first baby died, the good days have become few and far between. I began to throw up again, so further conversation is halted, at least for the moment.

Derek looks at me. I can feel his eyes burning into my skin, taking in my appearance, no makeup, still in my pajamas, and oh yeah, I'm throwing up. He almost calls me on it. But right now he feels sorry for me. After all of this time, even though he hits me and everything else, he still loves me. It's weird to think that he can love me still after all of the times he's hit me and made me cry, but he does.

"What's wrong baby?" He asks me in an unusually tender voice. Hell even on his good days he was never this nice. He kneels down beside me and holds my hair, and with his other hand gently rubs my back. He waits for me to finish throwing up, at least for the moment. "Do you need me to get you anything?" He asks, missing the fact that there is a home pregnancy test sitting in front of him.

He's being kind today, well to tell the truth he was being damn near pleasant, the way you use to be before everything had gone bad, before the first baby had died and then the others….you were the guy I fell in love with. I could deal with that. I would just have to be careful. I didn't tell you I'm pregnant right away, it doesn't even cross my mind at the moment as I am caught up in your kindness.

"I'm fine." I say as I rest again. I don't lean against you, I am afraid. I know better than to lean on you, or touch you, hug you or even kiss you without you letting me know it's ok first. Such lack of discipline can lead to a serious beating. I am perfect normally, I have to be perfect, it is a requirement and you are forceful. Further more I know never to ask you for anything, know that that too can lead to a beating. Never ask. Don't ask questions. Don't speak your mind. Speak only when spoken to. Owww my head really hurts from all the throwing up.

"I'm fine." I insist as I rest again. I don't lean against him, I am afraid. I know better than to lean on him, or touch him, hug or even kiss him without him letting me know its ok first. Such lack of discipline can lead to a serious beating. I am perfect normally, I have to be perfect. It is a requirement, and he is forceful. Further more I know I am never allowed to ask him for anything. Know that this too can lead to a beating. Never ask. Don't ask questions. Don't speak your mind. Speak only when spoken to. Owww my head really hurts from throwing up so much.

"You sure?" He understands the hesitation he witnessed in my behavior. He is the one who made me this way, so he understands without any doubts why I am acting like everything is fine.

"Ok well if you're sure." He says kissing me on the back of the head and without thinking about it his hands go to my head and start rubbing, trying to soothe the headache that he knows must be presenting itself. I am always like that when I throw up a lot.

I begin to throw up again. This time much worse. This had been going on for a couple of months now. Everything makes me sick lately because of the morning sickness. Derek had been so busy with work and everything else in his crazy twisted life that he hasn't even realized that it has been four months and my tummy isn't flat anymore, and if he has noticed he hasn't said anything.

I had taken a home pregnancy test, three of them to be truthful and they all came out positive. But I haven't been to the doctor yet. I was afraid of finding out. How could I be pregnant again, so soon after the last miscarriage?? With shaking hands I push myself up, and look into my husbands crystal blue eyes.

'_OK why is she so sick?' _He thinks to himself as he watches me watching him. Ok when he thinks about it he realized that maybe this isn't new, and he wonders in his heart had I told him something? Had I told him why I wasn't feeling well? But then again he tried not to notice too much. Every since the first baby died….well he's been distant. This he knows. He wanted to be her for me and everything, but it's just not him. Because sometimes I still look at him, and talk to him like I don't love him anymore, so maybe while I'm pushing he's pulling. He didn't know. What he did know is that I am sick, and that I have been for a while now.

"Addie?" He says my name with question in his tone. "What's going on? Are you…" He won't say it, he doesn't want to know, but at the same time he does. It takes him a minute, then two, but finally I hear the word escape his lips, like a poison apple with a bitter sweet taste.

"--Pregnant…"

It takes a few minutes for the vomiting to stop again, but when I finally do look at him I don't know what to say, don't know what to tell him. My mind goes blank of all the logical lies, and all I can see in my mind are those three positive pregnancy tests. We use to never lie to each other, use to never keep secrets. We were working on trying to be a couple again. Had started sleeping in the same bed again, even started having sex again, all the tings that normal happy couples do. But still something wasn't right between us.

"I" I whisper to you…I really don't know what to say. Do I lie to him only to have the truth exposed later on when I'm no longer able to hide it? I hold my head up trying to decide.

"I'm not sure." I finally admit to him. "The home pregnancy test(s) say I am, but I haven't been to the doctor yet." The pain of the many unsuccessful pregnancies was so fresh. Our marriage wasn't the best to begin with. What would another pregnancy, another loss do to our already dyeing marriage?

'So that's a maybe.' Derek thinks to himself as he looks at her. He had had his suspicions, but he had kept them out of his thoughts, he didn't even want to think of having another child…..it would just die….it would just die like…..

"I see" He says. His voice cold and void of any emotions.

Ever since he had lost his son, the very first pregnancy, he had been different. At first he had tried to be so loving and caring towards me. He still loves me, he always will. But how can we do this again? How can we be having another child? What makes him think this child will even make it to due date? None of the others have.

"I…" My sentence trails off as I am unsure what to say to him. What was I going to tell him? Was I going to tell him that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that I am pregnant? No I wasn't at least not for a while. I wanted to make sure I really was pregnant before I told him... I needed to be sure. I have an appointment set for next Friday. I want to be sure, absolutely without a doubt before I tell you. I didn't want you to be upset. I didn't want you to be angry with me. I wasn't trying to do this. I wasn't purposely trying to get pregnant. I hate the way you're looking at me right now, the cold unforgiving sadness in your eyes, it was as if you were blaming me for getting pregnant again. As if it were all my fault and you had not a single thing to do with it.

The pain of loosing the other children was still so deep so fresh within my soul. It hurt to even think of having another child inside of me, when I was ninety nine point nine percent sure that it wasn't going to make it. My first instinct when I found out I was pregnant is to pull away from him. To keep the baby all to myself, my little secret, at least until it was too late to hide it anymore, but it had slipped earlier, and now there was nothing I could do to make that simple slip up of words go away. I am crying now, I hate throwing up so much. I think back to my previous pregnancies, during the morning sickness he would always hold me, wiping my forehead with a cool cloth in between rounds of vomiting. Now he is just standing there. He had stood up when he asked me if I was pregnant, and backed away from me when I answered him. He is so cold and uncaring.

I get up and slowly splash some cool water on my face. I lean heavily against the sink for a few seconds before I realize it really isn't over yet and am kneeling down again. Defeated I sit down. Staying close to the toilet just incase.

"Baby I…" I try my sentence again, but once again I am unable to finish it. My face is flushed and hot from the intense vomiting. He can see the deep sadness in my eyes; can see that I am holding back because I am afraid. Afraid of what exactly? Rejection maybe? Fear that he will be angry and reject me? Fear that he would think I was trying to replace the children that we'd lost? Of being called a bad mother for getting pregnant for the umpteenth time when I knew I couldn't carry a child to term? I rest my head on the rim of the tub, keeping my silence. I don't lean on him because I am unsure if he will allow me to rest on him. If he would hold me like he use to, and be ok with this, or if he would go, deep inside of himself and turn numb. Pushing me away because of the pain he is feeling inside. Right now I just wanted him to hold me.

Derek looks at his wife, practically lying on the floor clinging to the side of the tub, and he really has no idea what he should do. This news, he can't figure out if it's good or bad. A part of him, a big part doesn't want it to be real. How can we be pregnant again? How can we have another child after the children we've lost? How can we move on with our lives and pretend to be one big happy family, when the pain of loosing them is everywhere he goes?

Another side of him is happy. He is getting another chance, we are getting another chance. Maybe this time we can make it work, maybe this time our baby will be ok.

"You were waiting." He say's and his tone startles me into looking up into his eyes, we may be a little off as a couple but he can still read me. "Maybe you were waiting for the results or maybe you were waiting until you couldn't hide it anymore, either way… we've grown apart…..but I still love you Addie." He just wanted me to know that…Even if he doesn't know what he's feeling for sure, even if he is all mixed up inside, he still wanted me to know that he loves me.

Derek had sit down beside me; He was gently holding my face in his hands, and making sure I was looking at him as he was telling me all of this. He loves me. That's a good thing. I look in is eyes. "I was waiting." I repeat. I gently lean my body on him. My head resting on his strong shoulder. He holds me gently in his arms. Deciding that I need him right now, that it was ok.

"I just didn't know how you would react to the news, I was afraid you'd be angry with me." I say He say's that we've grown apart, but that he still loved me.

Did that mean that he still loved me or just that he was still in love with me? Somehow I saw a big difference between the two.

"But were still good together right? We can make this work." I say in a quiet tone, despite everything, I still love him so much. Love him more than reason and logic can tell. I don't want for us to be apart.

"Derek I love you so much…….I just didn't want to hurt you." I say in a quiet almost whisper. "I just wasn't sure how you'd take it. And I was scared." I admit to him. But my sentence isn't finished. I look at him as he holds me gently. Before finishing my sentence.

"I was scared that you wouldn't love me anymore….wouldn't want me. That you would leave me because of the pain we both fill inside. That this would be the end of our marriage." It was true we never got back to where we once were after the first miscarriage, and we had fallen further and further apart with each one that followed. I was so afraid everyday that you would leave me…that you would run from your pain and leave me behind.

"Hey…." Derek says, he wants to make sure I'm listening to him. "I….I'm not sure how I feel about this baby…It's so soon, so I'm not sure but I'm sure of how I feel about you ok? We've been through a lot. When…..when you lost the baby the first time, I though you didn't love me anymore, and then with each baby after that we grew further and further apart….but I didn't loose you, even though I though I had because you still loved me. Were stuck with each other, nothing's going to change that." He tells me giving me a little kiss on the forehead. Wondering if I knew how much he still loved me, how much I mean to him, despite everything he's put me through. He looks at me, and wishes he could tell me how he feels, that he loves me, and that I'm the only woman he's really truly loved. "We'll get through this……one way or another, we will. We always do." He tells me.

"You're not mad at me?" I ask him in a relieved tone. He gently strokes my hair, I had asked for conformation more than anything else. I smile up at him gently. " I wasn't sure either….b-but this baby is our baby. It doesn't mean were going to forget about the children we've lost, it just means that were healing. And although we'll never forget the pain we went through, maybe it won't be so painful to remember the good times." I say I smile when you lean down and kiss me, your breath smells good like peppermints.

"I love you so much Derek. I never stopped loving you." I say gently.

Derek smiles after kissing me. He missed this, even if this were up in the air, even if his feelings were still undefined he was just glad that we could, even for a few moments be happy like this. "I've always loved you." He whispers to me. And he thinks of the possibility of ever being able to love another child when he's had his heart broken so many times before and he's unsure. But he thinks that it is ok for him to be unsure. At least for now.

" Whatever happens we always have each other Addison. I think it might be ok to have the possibility of another child, but I'm really not sure about my feelings right now…..I just want you to know I'm trying." He tells me gently as he scoops me up into his arms. And carries me to the room gently laying me on the bed.

"Rest…for now you need to rest." He tells me in a gentle and loving tone as he covers me with the blanket, and then gently kisses my lips, before turning off the light and walking from the room.


End file.
